Don't Tell a Soul (2020)
Premise: Dwight Schrute, tired of his job as assistant to the regional manager, decides to pivot and becomes a security guard who chases two of the most obnoxious teenagers on earth, one of whom might be (is) an absolute psychopath. While running behind them, poor Dwight falls in some sort of hole/well thing, breaks his ankle and is in general pretty miserable and sad and in a hole.
Now the thing is: those two teens? They had just stolen a ton of money, so talking with the cops would be a really bad idea (on top of the usual ACAB stuff I mean) because it’d be easy to trace things back to them. But of course, there’s a dude that might die in a hole in the ground. But of course, he’s a witness. Also, he’s Dwight. Also, the non-sociopath teen has extreme issues where he’s looking for a father figure and hey what if he had a captive audience etc etc etc, and the other brother is like “i just wanted to see how they were on the inside so i killed them” dahmer material. It’s all kind of a mess, so just another tuesday on your favourite blog.
Under 90 minutes? Yeah, 83 minutes, baby!
Do they say the title? yes…. YES!
(I know it’s not the first time I use this gif exactly this way. Sue me)
One sentence review:
Okay, more: Son on one hand this movie had Rainn Wilson aka Dwight completely stealing the show. He’s that good, totally justifies the runtime and constantly make you go “haha, you go, Dwight”. On the other hand, you’ve got one of the most obnoxious characters in cinema history, the older brother. He’s so frustratingly, cartoonishly evil that we’re like, half a step away from cackling after each bad thing he does. A real turn off, specially because the movie did not need that for the story it’s telling and it only makes you go “ugggggggh” (we’re going for a pulitzer with these reviews, yes).
There’s also a few “what the fuck are you talking about” moments where the script suddenly becomes all “would GOD want this?” and “are you more afraid of your brother or GOD” which are kinda puzzling at that point in the runtime because, seriously, what the fuck.
BUT, the good thing is that in the end both friendship wins and of course Dwight’s performance and some of the most hilarious “wait WHAT” plot points ever move the Impeccable Taste judgment towards a recommendation.
A simple way to improve it: I mean you know this is a movie you could remake with just clips from The Office. Dwight, Michael and Andy are on their PARKOUR thing, Dwight falls in that hole, Michael tells him he’s an ignorant slut, Andy sucks, etc. Like any great joke, it writes itself and we shouldn’t try to finish writing it.
Trivia about the IMDb trivia:
Around 34:10 when Matt throws the tank into the hole, any reasonable person would know that they could just turn the valve off, it would have been easy to show that Matt removed the valve handle, but he/the writers didn’t do this. Instead, it’s thrown in and Hamby attempts to throw this heavy tank of poison gas up 20+ feet to get it away which of course he fails at, instead of just turning the valve.
Good lord this gif has NEVER BEEN MORE ACCURATE aaagh i hate the smug asshole that wrote this “trivia”
