La Cueva (2014)

Premise: What’s nicer than a camping trip with some friends? Because the five main (and only) characters in this movie are going to Formentera to do exactly that. Showing some extremely good sense, when one of them accidentally finds the titular Cave they decide to just go spelunking without any preparation, packing more water or whatever. In case that wasn’t enough to tell you the mensa type we’re dealing with, when they obviously start to lose their bearings they decide to start squeezing themselves inside holes and yeah considering that’s like twenty minutes in, things are not looking great.
Under 90 minutes? 80, actually.
Do they say the title? Yeah. Well, the original Spanish one (La Cueva), I saw that in English this is called In Darkness We Fall and boy is that a misleading title.

One sentence review:

Okay, more:
Oh well, yeah, that was not great. It is a common trope with horror that the characters are slightly dislikable so you don’t feel that down if something bad happens to them. Goodness gracious, there’s a limit to that. This group is like the spice girls of horrible personalities where each of them is a different flavour of obnoxious (the one with the camera that never stops filming, the “clearly the bad guy from minute one” guy, the borjamari one, etc) and things ramp up to eleven more or less as soon as the movie starts. Like, how the hell did they decide to do anything together, they clearly hate each other, agh. The acting is extremely stilted, as in, some of the characters sound exactly like when you tell a kid to recite something and it sounds the-opposite-of-natural-but-not-supernatural. Somehow I had heard a lot of good things about this movie and I guess there’s a lot of why it is annoying that gets lost in translation? I don’t know. Sure sure, very claustrophobic but.. yeah, give this one a pass. The Descent or As Above So Below are right there and they’re excellent movies about people getting lost in tight spaces, I don’t know.
A simple way to improve it: There is this scene by the beginning of the movie where we get an extreme closeup of the bald dude’s asshole (notice I didn’t say “butt”) and either we should have skipped that or make it Chekhov’s asshole and have the guy constantly land on pointy stuff, Everything Everywhere All At Once style.

Trivia about the IMDb trivia:

Not gonna lie, I’m sort of intrigued by the last one on that list.