The Radleys (2024)

Premise: So there’s a family of vampires, but this ain’t your momma’s vampires cause I guess there are rules and such that are slightly different to the classical whatever. Anyhoo. Vampirism in this case is not just a metaphor for sexual lust but also about kids becoming teens, so the movie gets going when the two kids start to actually realize they may or may not be vampires blah blah blah. Yeah. Oh also the parents are like, straight edge or something, which can be cool depending on the punk band, but it is lame as hell when you’re dealing with vampires. OH I almost forgot, the dad’s got a twin brother that is basically his opposite in every single possible thing. Like, 10 year old me would think he was the coolest ever, he smokes, he fucks, etc.
Under 90 minutes? Nah, of course not.
Do they say the title? Yeah!

One sentence review:
Okay, more: Eh, this could have been better. It had Damian Lewis playing two characters (and that’s always fun even if we’re not talking about Sir Nicolas Cage), it had the amazing Kelly MacDonald playing a worried mom, but still - it just wasn’t there. Too bad. I guess they should have chosen to go for really dumb or really serious but they didn’t want to make that decision.
A simple way to improve it: The weird son should have been weirder, like, offputtingly so. Let’s have an actual “what the fuck, this is too much even before we consider you’re a vampire” kind of deal going on.

Trivia about the IMDb trivia:

Set in Whitby in England where Dracula is said to have fled to.

This was marked as a spoiler for some reason and it makes me question the sanity of the average IMDb contributor. Like, what the hell, who cares. Oh no I hope no one finds out before watching the movie, it’d definitely ruin the surprise of this vampire film?